Remains Of Ancient Race Of Job Creators Found In Rust Belt 
A team of leading archaeologists announced Monday they had uncovered the remains of an ancient job-creating race that, at the peak of its civilization, may have provided occupations for hundreds of thousands of humans in the American Northeast and Midwest.
"It’s truly fascinating—after spending a certain number of hours performing assigned tasks, the so-called ‘employees’ at such facilities would receive monetary compensation that allowed them to support themselves and their families," said archaeologist Alan H. Mueller, citing old ledgers and time-keeping devices unearthed at excavation sites in the region. (The Onion)

Remains Of Ancient Race Of Job Creators Found In Rust Belt

A team of leading archaeologists announced Monday they had uncovered the remains of an ancient job-creating race that, at the peak of its civilization, may have provided occupations for hundreds of thousands of humans in the American Northeast and Midwest.

"It’s truly fascinating—after spending a certain number of hours performing assigned tasks, the so-called ‘employees’ at such facilities would receive monetary compensation that allowed them to support themselves and their families," said archaeologist Alan H. Mueller, citing old ledgers and time-keeping devices unearthed at excavation sites in the region. (The Onion)

Only on Wall Street does this make sense

Ben Bernanke’s Federal Reserve said Tuesday that the U.S. economy is in more trouble than it previously thought. So weak, in fact, that officials expect to hold interest rates at record lows — practically zero — for the next two years.

The Fed listed the economy’s numerous problems: Growth has slowed “considerably,” the job market has deteriorated, consumer spending has “flattened out” and housing “remains depressed.”

The stock market, which is supposed to trade based on companies’ future earnings expectations, surged 4 percent — more than 400 points for the Dow.

Bring on the bad news!

In the early part of the 20th century, all the world’s key economies were on the gold standard.  But in 1931, the system began to unravel in the most powerful country  in the world: England.  When the Great Depression hit, the people in  England panicked, and started trading in their paper money for gold.  It  got to the point where the Bank of England was in danger of running out  of gold. This was a terrifying thought — particularly for Montagu Norman, the head of the Bank of England.
Why We Left The Gold Standard : Planet Money : NPR

In the early part of the 20th century, all the world’s key economies were on the gold standard.

But in 1931, the system began to unravel in the most powerful country in the world: England. When the Great Depression hit, the people in England panicked, and started trading in their paper money for gold. It got to the point where the Bank of England was in danger of running out of gold.

This was a terrifying thought — particularly for Montagu Norman, the head of the Bank of England.

Why We Left The Gold Standard : Planet Money : NPR